Doing Romance From A Distance

A little over a year ago, I went through this phase of signing up for every online dating site I could.  I was pretty broke so I couldn’t exactly sign up and pay a fee for all of them all at once.  What I chose to do was try each one out a month or two at a time.  One of the paid sites that I ended up trying out during this time was eHarmony.  eHarmony is the most expensive dating site out there and to even get a reasonable monthly rate you have to sign up for a minimum of three months at a time, which I did.  Except for the things I learned about how to screen flakes out quickly, it was a waste of my time.

Why?

Because of the several hundred or so people they matched me with only one was in my local area and most were on the other side of the country or several states away at least.  Since I was struggling financially and my transportation was unreliable and none of the people I met were willing to quite travel the distance to meet me, continuing with eHarmony was unrealistic for me. 

Since those times, things have changed for me.  My finances have improved, though paying for a round trip ticket to the other side of the country is still out of the question for me without a lot of lead time.  My vehicles are in good shape and more reliable than they were so the idea of traveling several hours away to visit or meet someone is not completely out of the question.  In fact, as I’ve reflected upon my own goals and objectives in life, as I’ve pondered my priorities in relationship and as I’ve contemplated what my standards and expectations are for relationship and for a quality partner, the idea that I might have to look further than my own neighborhood to find it has become starkly apparent.

But dating is tricky and relationship can be difficult.  Issues like compatibility, perspectives, values, spirituality, lifestyles need to be discussed, observed and evaluated in terms of “fit”.  Even more importantly there are certain dynamics that, for me anyway, have to exist in order for a relationship to really be viable.  These things involve transparency, trust, the ability to have those tough conversations without taking offense. Couples dating from a distance also have the issues of proximity (or lack of) and communication blocks due to technology and time zones to deal with.  In this world which is rapidly diminishing in size due to our increasing technologies, dating from a distance is likely to become more and more prevalent.

So how can couples safely and effectively negotiate a romantic involvement from a distance?  How long can they be apart and still maintain the relationship?  What are the key elements that must be present in order for their romance to grow and thrive. How are these things achieved and furthered? 

These are the questions that have rolled around in my mind as I’ve contemplated, okay, entered into a relationship of sorts where 17 hours, several continents and 12,000 miles separate us.  It isn’t exactly like he lives across town and I can say “Hey, let’s barbecue some steaks and hang in the hot tub for a bit tonight.”  At the same time, I know we can’t be the only people or the first to experience this situation.

How do you do relationship from a distance?