Single Fathers – A Growing But Misunderstood Breed

About 66 million American men who are alive today claim the title of father. Among these are 26 million men who are part of a married-couple family with minor children at home. Although married dads predominate, the number of single custodial dads is on the rise.

As at 2007 some 2.3 million American men were single dads who had custody of their children, up from 400,000 in 1970. Another 4.6 million single men did not have custody but were supporting their minor children financially.

In 2000, more than 3 million children lived in a household headed by a single Father. That’s more than triple the 1980 number. As of 2007  the American Census Bureau reported that 42 percent of single custodial Fathers were divorced; 38 percent had never married; 15 percent were separated; and 5 percent were widowed.

The ratio of single Father households to all single parent households has been steadily increasing. Currently, 1-in-6 single parents is a single Father, compared with 1-in-10 in 1970.

According to Hallmark, about 95 million Father’s Day cards are given in the United States each year, making it the fourth largest card sending occasion.

Whether someone is married or single, being a parent is not an easy task. Being a single dad is even more challenging.

One misperception is that Fathers get primary custody of their children only when the mother is unfit to raise them.  “There’s this assumption that the Father would not have gotten custody under ordinary circumstances, and that only if the mother has gone crazy or is in rehab or is in jail,” Armin Brott – “The Single Father: A Dad’s Guide to Parenting Without a Partner.”

While this may be true in some situations, it’s not always the case, at least not today.

Andrew Cherlin, a sociology professor at Johns Hopkins University, believes there’s clearly been a change in the way courts perceive Fathers. He ties this trend to the increasing role that many men play in their children’s lives.

“It’s a circular effect, men do more child care, the judges are more likely to give them custody,” said Cherlin. “A few decades ago, few of these men would have custody of their kids. Even if the mother was incapable, the child might have been put in a foster care home rather than given to a Father.”

The transition to being a single dad isn’t easy. Particularly when the child or children are female. Many Fathers struggle to address decidedly non-masculine subjects like menstruation and bra shopping.

“I mean those things are big challenges that I still don’t know how to do that well,” Greg Jones – Single Father. “I said, ‘Well, she’s a female, of course she knows how to put on a bra.’ But, you know, she’s put on the same amount of bras as I had at that point.”

“They need to get in there and make the mistakes, and learn the skills that parents need to have.”

– Armin Brott

“Single Fathers shouldn’t be afraid of making mistakes”, said Brott. “Kids are resilient little creatures and if you make a few mistakes, they’ll survive,” he added. “So many Fathers that I have spoken to are afraid of making mistakes. We feel very much under the watchful eye of society … They need to get in there and make the mistakes, and learn the skills that parents need to have.”

Not only do single Fathers such as Mr. Jones face day-to-day challenges raising their children, they also sometimes face stigmas in society about parenthood. Some individuals, perhaps their own bosses, may not grasp how their situations may be different  and require more flexibility than if they belonged to a traditional, two-parent family.

“Employers and the community at large should be more accepting of single Fathers” – Dr. Ken Canfield – founder and president of the National Center for Fatheringinsists. He advocates “family flex time” in the workplace, allowing a parent to take time out of their day to visit their child’s school or attend a child’s activity.

“I think flex time is a great benefit, more important than a job raise. It would just do so much to keep children from potentially difficult situations” said Canfield.

“Single Fathers are valiant and important to their child’s well-being. As important as single parent moms,” he added. ” We need to look for ways to support and encourage these Fathers in their unique circumstances.”

Books geared toward single Fathers are relatively new to the book publishing scene. Just a few years ago, such books were scarce. Today, single dads have quite a large selection to choose from. A quick search on Amazon.com revealed the following recent books for single Fathers. (I’m not recommending them, just listing them).

Raising My Best Friends: Meeting the Challenge of Being a Single Father (Beckham Publication Group, 2006),

How to be a Great Single Dad (Hay House Pub, 2005),

Surviving the Single Dad Syndrome (PublishAmerica, 2004),

Quality Time for Dad: A Parenting Guide for the Single Father (Authorhouse, 2004),

Diary of a Single Dad (Authorhouse, 2003),

The Single Dad’s Survival Guide: How to Succeed as a One-Man Parenting Team (Waterbrook Press, 2003),

Cook Like a Mother, Clean Like a Pro: The Single Dad’s Guide to Cooking and Cleaning (PM Wright Communications, 2002).

The list of organizations and websites focusing on the needs of single Fathers is also growing. A Google search came up with the following results. (Once again I’m not vouching for them, just listing them).

Fathers’ Rights and Equality Exchange: www.dadsrights.org,

Responsible Single Fathers: www.singlefather.org,

Parents without Partners: www.parentswithoutpartners.com,

Resources for Single Dads: http://fatherhood.about.com/od/singledadsresources/,

The Single Fathers’ Lighthouse: www.lighthousedad.com, and

MrMoms: www.mrmoms.org.

So if you are a single dad, you should know that resources (books and organizations) exist to help you meet the challenges of single parenthood.

“… and to those dads, single or married, who have been loving, nurturing, and responsible in fulfilling their parental role, there is only one appropriate thing to say. Congratulations!”  – http://www.About.com