Online Dating Review: 5 Reasons Why eHarmony Isn’t #1 With Me.

I recently read a review of the top 10 online dating sites at Online Dating Ranking. com, where the online dating site ranked in first place is eHarmony.  According to Online Dating Ranking.com, eHarmony is “by far the top online dating site in terms of lasting relationships and marriages” and because of eHarmony’s great site and compatibility matching system, “542 eHarmony members get married each day in the United States.” I simply cannot understand how this information can be anything but preposterous.  Even if the numbers boasted are accurate and can be directly credited to eHarmony, there are plenty of reasons why eHarmony should not be first among online dating sites. Here are five reasons why I think eHarmony, in spite of all the hype and advertising, doesn’t deserve first place.

Reason #1: Expense

Let’s face it.  eHarmony is the most expensive dating site out there.  The cost to sign up for just one month, at $59.95, is double the cost of a monthly membership in most other online sites. If you sign up for a 12-month membership, the monthly cost drops to $19.95 a month, but you pay the entire amount up front.  This is not a payment plan that is made up for real people.  Okay, at least not real people, who are post-40, reeling financially from the devastating impact of divorce, homeowners who are scrambling to keep their homes or avoid bankruptcy, and still pay off debt, send a kid or maybe two to college, feed the rest of the children and maintain vehicles.  When I was recently divorced, struggling to deal with the financial aftermath, there was no way I was going to put out a couple of hundred bills for something as uncertain as a dating site, no matter how reputable it was.  Putting out the $59.95 for one month was a stretch.  I just didn’t have it.  Even so, I definitely didn’t want to be rocking alone at the Old Folks’ Home in my 90’s, so I bit the bullet and bought a 3-month membership.  I was very disappointed.  The expense, in terms of suitable meet-ups, was only the tip of the disappointment iceberg.

Reason #2: The Matching Process

The matching process is excessively lengthy and one might even say, thorough, but when it came to pairing me with people I felt would make a good match for me, it was a complete bomb.  I didn’t think the results really captured the essence of who I was as an individual.  It certainly didn’t result in putting the kind of profiles in front of me that were even remotely interesting to me.  I found that I was far more successful  and had far more fun, choosing the people I wanted to meet based on my own priorities, reasons, and interests.  eHarmony’s special matching process just didn’t work for me. In the three months I subscribed to eHarmony, I was matched with a lot of people. I had plenty of new matches daily to sift through.  I was only interested in corresponding with three of them.  I did end up meeting one of them and it was clear immediately to both of us that it just wasn’t a fit.  We were not compatible; he annoyed me with his mannerisms and perspectives and we didn’t have any interests in common. So much for the highly rated matching process.

Reason #3: Proximity

At the time, I knew there was something wrong with a matching system that matched me with people that lived two and three states away when I placed a priority on being matched with people within 100-mile radius.  Most of the people eHarmony chose for me were located on the other side of the country.  eHarmony didn’t match me with people I could date, even though I mentioned distance as my top priority.  As a newly divorced person with limited discretionary spending, I was completely unable to make a long distance trip to meet someone.  As someone who was interested in developing a meaningful relationship, being able to do more than correspond was very important.  I wanted to be able to spend face-to-face time in the real world with a person rather than connecting digitally.  eHarmony presented me with matches that could only possibly be digital. That just didn’t work for me.  Compare this with other dating sites, where at a fraction of the cost or for free, and without the benefits of the special compatibility matching process, I could post my profile on Sunday and have dates (plenty of them) for the next weekend in my hometown. Isn’t the point of an online dating site, after all, to put you in contact with people you actually would meet and date in person?  eHarmony provided none of that for me.

Reason #4:  I Wasn’t Alone

I know I’m not alone.  I’ve been single and in the dating scene for four years now.  I’ve blogged and talked with and read accounts from hundreds of people who have experienced the same frustrations with eHarmony.  These people represent a broad demographic; they hail from rural and urban areas, some have the finances, others don’t, most found the cost to be exorbitant for the results they received.  Most were matched like I was, with people they weren’t compatible with, and who lived too far away to make dating a reality.

In the years since dating via eHarmony, I’ve discovered a few things, the most important of which is….

Reason #5:  I Know Better Than eHarmony

Once burned, twice shy, the old adage states.  This is so true for those who’ve been burned in a relationship or who’ve suffered through divorce.  When you get back into the dating scene it is easy and understandable that you question your own ability to make good choices about dating, partners, and whether or not a relationship even works.  I certainly was no exception here.  In the following years after my experiment with eHarmony, I’ve learned that I know better than ever, and better than anyone, what will and won’t work for me.  I don’t need some expert’s special matching process to eliminate choices for me or to force me to pay attention to people I simply wouldn’t give a second glance to anyway because they live halfway across the country.  I know what I like and what I don’t.  I know what I’m looking for in a partner and what I can’t possibly tolerate. Not one of my priorities are even addressed on eHarmony’s compatibility measures.  I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions for myself rather than allowing some computer generated system to decide my potential dates for me.

When it comes to the cost-benefit, the effectiveness of the matching process, the proximity of potential dates,  the ability of the site to match me with people of interest to me, and the fact that my experience was similar to many others’ experiences, I simply cannot consider eHarmony as being credible, let alone deserving of a #1 ranking for online dating.  While clearly it works for many, it also doesn’t work for many and for some really significant reasons.  For those with my experience, eHarmony comes as close to being a scam as they come.  The methods and matching didn’t earn my trust at all.

Have you tried eHarmony?  If so, what was your experience?

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